The euphoric sensations which emanate forth from the air;
These sounds, they create the joys which eco in the halls of this place;
They reverberate with the love of those within these walls;
They enunciate the beauty among these people.

The enigmatic noise which spews forth from this place;
These atonal frequencies which capture the chaos of this location;
They penetrate the mind with disorder like the tempest-stirred ocean;
They catalyze the implosion of order within these bones.

The insidious sound which initiates the collapse from within;
These ravenous energies which tear at the being of this collective soul;
They emaciate with the unbridled force of incarnate hate;
They desecrate the soul engendered by our being.

The deadened resonance which stifles emotion;
These tones which dampen the feeling of everything;
They negate the entire world with the cold efficiency of sweeping death;
They lay to bed the void spirit with malevolent clemency.

les mis was amazing. everyone did so good. the orchestra was near flawless, the acting and singing were phenomenal. haha all my friends did great. you're all amazingly talented. this show has convinced me that some of you people i know are going places.

Things are looking kinda good right now. I've been officially diagnosed with add, and they're going to give me some sort of medication for it, which should help my grades out. My grades, so far, aren't too bad anyway, so i should be able to bring any bad ones i get up. People are starting to cause me less stress lately, which is nice. They were the main cause anyway.

Entirely too much has happened this week. From sunday till now has probably been one of the most stressful periods in my life thus far. Exams were bad, before exams was worse, but this week was just too much. I can't take the amount of shit that has happened this week. I've fallen out a bit with one of my best friends and i'm not even sure about the other one. I don't know if she still considers me as a friend. I've been turned down by someone i thought i was in love with after she decided it wouldn't work after the dance, and i have the feeling it's not going to work out with the other person. All-state's tommorow, and i think my voice is finally done with it's wierdness, i've been able to sing quite well the past few days. In fact, that's the only thing that's really given me comfort. It really sucks not having anyone to go to. The only person who's really helped me at all this week has been aj, and i thank him for that(thank you aj, in case you read this).

Under the meager light which shown through the clouds,
The callow miscreant forgot.
As the world seemed to surround him with its dull glow,
He forgot.
Try as he did to remember, some things cannot be done;
This seemed to be one.
He forgot.
And as this pain and anxierty he felt eased, numbness
Burning numbness, took it's place.
And as he fell down from the precarious perch on which he stood,
He remembered.
But too late, as his descent quickened, he thought:
Will I ever touch the ground again?

YAY! I got t osee Eimile!!!

Oh and on a totally different subject, Olivia is pretty cool. It's nice talking to someone on the bus. And it's nicer that they are actually nice and interesting.

It would seem as though I have one chance, at least to me.

my friends are good. i like them. i miss seeing people like eli and mg daily, but i see them on days like today and it works out. alex and jessica were quiet, but i think jessica is shy and alex just wasn't quite as loud and peppy as usual. it was all around a good day. my solo at church went well, which was nice.

as usual, i wanted to punch the preacher in the balls. how do you believe in something unquestionably? is there any reason for taking anything as deep as faith at face value? i think it is the job of any responsible human to constantly question their own actions, the actions of others, and ideas that arise. instead of preaching the "word of god", these preachers i think should be constantly looking for possible reason why there may be a god, and presenting them to their church. i also think that people on the other side, atheists, should look for reasons why there are not. agnosticism is a comfortable middle ground, a nice safe pasture of indecisiveness for those who either are looking for reasons to take a stand, or those to lazy or scared to think enough to chose a side.

on that note, i think the mind really plays a part in the human thought of god. to think that there isn't a god, and truely believe it, takes a lot of time, so long as you are loosing faith. it took me around 3 years to truely come to some solid ground about religion and god. only in 9th grade did i establish a really solid thought, a really solid image, or more accuratley the lack of an image, of god. only then could i truely accept that there probably isn't a god, and it makes me think: is god something that is naturally ingrained in the human mind, and only is removed through the thoughts that eventually overcome that image in people like me? or is it more sinister, that as children, since we are normally raised to be a certain religion, we are ingrained with this image of god, which because it was ingrained in our minds in such tender years in which we absorb knowledge in copious amounts, is extremeley hard to get out of our heads? it's an interesting question, and one i will never be able to answer through personal expierience. i was raised to be a christian child. my parents thought i might end up being a preacher. i started my fall from "grace" or now what i see as "ignorance" taking the form of blind faith, in the 6th grade. that was when i first started to think that mabye there wasn't a god or an after life. what proof is there really? logically as you look to the past, you see obsolete religions: greek mythology, egyptian mythology, zoroastrianism(although this one is interesting), and many others. you see these and you would logically think: if these are wrong, why should the current one be right? why does this religion have the luxury of withstanding knowledge unlike these others? this brings you to a fork in the road, which you must carefully choose your path down, because if you change your mind it limits your credibility immenseley. why really do these religions stand so strong? is it because one or all of them is right (judaism, christianity, and islam all believe in the same god, just different levels of prophets), or is it because of our ability to spread them? is it because this god that these religions believe in really exists and is spreading this knowledge of his existance, or is it because the knowledge we now are able to spread isn't as convienent of comfortable as this picutre of god? and as you choose your answers to these questions you choose your path at this fork in the road, and you really have to work to come back to it and change your mind. but, it's late, and i'm tired. i may continue this later on here, or i may re-write this and expand on it and make some kind of an essay or something. but good night.

high school is funny.